Slow to change and medications

Change for me has been so slow, I don’t want to use this blog to complain however there are areas in my life I really must address and often can’t seem to get the courage to do so. First though I want to state the medications I currently take that has helped me and will form the basis of my growing identity. 

The current medications I am on are

Zoloft 200mg. Lyrica 150mg x 3 Daily. Ativan 1mg as needed. Seroquel 1mg as needed. 
The above medications alleviate my depression – I wasn’t able to get out of this rut myself for years and finally tried it and it seems to have worked. 

In relation to this I am also most likely going to start Abilify (assuming at 5 mg) this coming Tuesday as I am extremely flat and it is supposed to increase dopamine and energy. I was against taking so many medications but each one has improved my quality of life and my potential as a man significantly therefor I am willing to try more. 

Regarding my mental state I also take (non-prescribed) Modafinil (Waklert) 100mg as needed, I also take caffeine tablets as needed. This improves my focus and allows me to perform when sleep deprived. Finally I have been experimenting with racetams lately and none seem to work at all. 

A list of further medications/supplements include

  • Avodart for hairloss
  • Minoxidil 5% for hairloss 
  • Regenepure Anti DHT shampoo for hair loss 
  • Accutane 20mg for Acne
  • Retin A cream for acne 
  • Probiotics, Metamucil, De gas and Activated Charcoal and Lactose tabs to control my lactose intolerance. 
  • Occasionally take fish oil. 
  • I have quite a few health supplements but I haven’t been taking these consistently.

As I previously stated, this is a fucking shitload of medication however it has improved my quality of life an enormous amount so far. 

Now I need to report to myself and hold myself accountable to other areas of my life, that is why I started this blog in the first place. 

My relationship has run its course, however I can’t seem to let go or to break up – purely out of fear and possibly some attachment. Its terrible but I need to work up to doing this as I find it extremely daunting.

My motivation is lacking, or I feel flat – Possibly need Abilify however I have endlessly tried to motivate myself to no avail.

With regard to the motivation I am far far behind on my university law work and I have assessments and presentations coming up that I have anxiety about and do not know what is happening. I cannot fail

My last point is possibly the amount I have been to the gym or eating healthy, I haven’t been to the gym properly in around one month, that is a long time for me and I feel fucking terrible, I haven’t been eating properly either and just feel so bloated at fat.

I really need to pull all my shit together, these mentioned areas of my life but also other extensive areas which I am working on as well.  


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