I need to make massive changes, it’s taking a while for things to get better in my life and I feel as though I need to take massive change and action – immediately.
I am currently completing my internship within the development team of a large building organization and I’m trying to soak up as much knowledge as possible, I am also doing an apprenticeship in carpentry on the weekend with a view to go fulltime and learn how to build new homes. Law school starts soon as well as my building and construction diploma. Further to this, I’m trying to obtain start-up capital for my property development ideas, and also want to shred up and lose weight. So a lot going on. this is like a journal where I write down my thoughts and whatever comes to my head. so here is the record.
Studying both construction and law and it is extremely taxing mentally, how ever I do enjoy it out of all the other topics I could study.
I want to run my own construction and development business but this seems like a long shot from where I currently stand with little experience in commercial construction (more residential experience at the moment) at least I am studying areas related to this. I wish I was able to work full time, I’m even unsure of the job positions that are available.
Currently, I’m trying to hustle 24/7 be fast, be limitless while maintaining a high quality and standard of work. Further to this I am hitting the gym more often and trying to further challenge and develop myself
Finally achieved my goal of waking up early (5-6am starts).
How ever this comes at a cost – I become tired much more easily and I also need to sleep earlier so I cannot get as much done at night.
I haven’t posted in a while but reading over previous posts this helps me keep track of my goals and whats important to me.
I’m slowly making progress in the building industry – it is a slow process for me so far, I need capital to start developing and building as opposed to say, maybe someone starting a tech business with just a laptop. I’m currently studying law and carpentry as well as completing a building course. Next week I start at TAFE so I will have a lot on my plate to work on, then uni will start as well after that so everything is quite busy right now.
I am having regular meetings with my psychiatrist and I can feel my confidence growing and myself becoming stronger every day and every week, bit by bit, brick by brick to build this strong wall inside of myself.
There are a few things I need to work on
- Handling my shit
- Making decisions because I want to (not to please others or being afraid of opinions and comments)
- check my financials and spending
start studying for exams
- thinking about ending my relationship
I can’t think of much to write at the moment as my head is full of thoughts – I haven’t written in a while but have made a habitica goal to do so. I need to start making money working as a general contractor – being an unpaid law student I have no money.
Handle everything and take no bullshit just like the F truck.
This is the first blog post in a while. I am starting to be more disciplined, organised, and make more progress. However there is one downside – I am on multiple medications at any given time to get through the day…I think ill have a wash out or break once uni is over, this is just difficult as the psych meds have changed my mood quite a bit (for the better) how ever this has made me stress free and relaxed so I need to adjust to this new way of thinking and my mindset is currently changing slowly.
Anyway I have begun working on my legal placement, my building business and getting my builders licence (however the forms and proof required is ridiculous). Further I am getting help with my law studies and am confident in my ability to pass. I am also still seeing the psychiatrist on a somewhat weekly basis.
Further I have been listening to podcasts that have greatly expanded my way of thinking. I am still trying to discover myself and what it means to be masculine and be a man.
I have been feeling extremely flat lately, almost apathetic, I am kind of lethargic and can fall asleep quite easily. 3 X 150mg of Lyrica is the same as 2x daily. So I’m sticking with that. I’m worried this might be post-steroid related however it could be due to the lyrica working. I feel a lot better about myself but the issue of feeling flat is there and my sex drive is close to 0.
I don’t think and I know I don’t want to continue living the type of life I sometimes fall back into, one of lacking enthusiasm and undisciplined laziness coupled with insecurity. I am also trying to figure out what masculinity means for me and my identity, I guess consistency would be a part of it for me and falling back into my old lifestyle doesn’t help support me with regard to that idea.
Continuing on the point of being ‘flat’ I haven’t properly gone to the gym in just over a month, that’s down from going nearly 4-5x weekly. I feel as though I don’t have the energy or the drive.
I want to feel as though I can achieve anything and become employed, also I know I have the ability to complete the 3000 word essay before this friday that is due, it’s just when would I start it and what would the quality of work be like?
I have previously been trying to skip sleep (well before I have been feeling ‘flat) to try to grind at whatever goals I have – but recently I was listening to the knowledge for men podcast and have realised a lot of the most successful business people, self-made individuals or entrepreneurs get a full night’s sleep (7-8hrs) not the ridiculous 4-5 that is often so reported in the self-improvement community.
A few further points I don’t want to expand on now as well are –
- I need to think more about my relationship, what i want out of it, and if i should potentially continue it and what the risks are for the future
- my finances and that they continually seem to go down, I think i need to cut my expenses and at least try to save for a while or cut out any luxuries – possibly write down a budget being specific down to the dollar
- I tell myself i want a full nights sleep but i also don’t want to sleep at night until i have everything completed
- I have responsibility of my life
- I am the creator of my life and I can make whatever decisions i choose to change what is happening
- I am the master of my own world and need to create a life I want to live
- I need to envision daily the type of person I want to be and the type of life i want to live and create
- I want drive – I want to be able to ‘get up and go’
- I want to be fit and healthy and I want to hustle and do as much as possible with as little as possible.