Category Archives: Medication


Finally achieved my goal of waking up early (5-6am starts).

How ever this comes at a cost – I become tired much more easily and I also need to sleep earlier so I cannot get as much done at night.

I haven’t posted in a while but reading over previous posts this helps me keep track of my goals and whats important to me.

I’m slowly making progress in the building industry – it is a slow process for me so far, I need capital to start developing and building as opposed to say, maybe someone starting a tech business with just a laptop. I’m currently studying law and carpentry as well as completing a building course. Next week I start at TAFE so I will have a lot on my plate to work on, then uni will start as well after that so everything is quite busy right now.

I am having regular meetings with my psychiatrist and I can feel my confidence growing and myself becoming stronger every day and every week, bit by bit, brick by brick to build this strong wall inside of myself.


Yesterday and thoughts

I have been feeling extremely flat lately, almost apathetic, I am kind of lethargic and can fall asleep quite easily. 3 X 150mg of Lyrica is the same as 2x daily. So I’m sticking with that. I’m worried this might be post-steroid related however it could be due to the lyrica working. I feel a lot better about myself but the issue of feeling flat is there and my sex drive is close to 0. 

I don’t think and I know I don’t want to continue living the type of life I sometimes fall back into, one of lacking enthusiasm and undisciplined laziness coupled with insecurity.  I am also trying to figure out what masculinity means for me and my identity, I guess consistency would be a part of it for me and falling back into my old lifestyle doesn’t help support me with regard to that idea. 

Continuing on the point of being ‘flat’ I haven’t properly gone to the gym in just over a month, that’s down from going nearly 4-5x weekly. I feel as though I don’t have the energy or the drive.

I want to feel as though I can achieve anything and become employed, also I know  I have the ability to complete the 3000 word essay before this friday that is due, it’s just when would I start it and what would the quality of work be like?

I have previously been trying to skip sleep (well before I have been feeling ‘flat) to try to grind at whatever goals I have – but recently I was listening to the knowledge for men podcast and have realised a lot of the most successful business people, self-made individuals or entrepreneurs get a full night’s sleep (7-8hrs) not the ridiculous 4-5 that is often so reported in the self-improvement community. 

A few further points I don’t want to expand on now as well are – 

  • I need to think more about my relationship, what i want out of it, and if i should potentially continue it and what the risks are for the future
  • my finances and that they continually seem to go down, I think i need to cut my expenses and at least try to save for a while or cut out any luxuries – possibly write down a budget being specific down to the dollar
  • I tell myself i want a full nights sleep but i also don’t want to sleep at night until i have everything completed

Other points:

  • I have responsibility of my life
  • I am the creator of my life and I can make whatever decisions i choose to change what is happening 
  • I am the master of my own world and need to create a life I want to live
  • I need to envision daily the type of person I want to be and the type of life i want to live and create
  • I want drive – I want to be able to ‘get up and go’
  • I want to be fit and healthy and I want to hustle and do as much as possible with as little as possible. 

Imagine what my life would be like if I just took control of my decisions instead of being fearfull and lived life how I wanted.

Slow to change and medications

Change for me has been so slow, I don’t want to use this blog to complain however there are areas in my life I really must address and often can’t seem to get the courage to do so. First though I want to state the medications I currently take that has helped me and will form the basis of my growing identity. 

The current medications I am on are

Zoloft 200mg. Lyrica 150mg x 3 Daily. Ativan 1mg as needed. Seroquel 1mg as needed. 
The above medications alleviate my depression – I wasn’t able to get out of this rut myself for years and finally tried it and it seems to have worked. 

In relation to this I am also most likely going to start Abilify (assuming at 5 mg) this coming Tuesday as I am extremely flat and it is supposed to increase dopamine and energy. I was against taking so many medications but each one has improved my quality of life and my potential as a man significantly therefor I am willing to try more. 

Regarding my mental state I also take (non-prescribed) Modafinil (Waklert) 100mg as needed, I also take caffeine tablets as needed. This improves my focus and allows me to perform when sleep deprived. Finally I have been experimenting with racetams lately and none seem to work at all. 

A list of further medications/supplements include

  • Avodart for hairloss
  • Minoxidil 5% for hairloss 
  • Regenepure Anti DHT shampoo for hair loss 
  • Accutane 20mg for Acne
  • Retin A cream for acne 
  • Probiotics, Metamucil, De gas and Activated Charcoal and Lactose tabs to control my lactose intolerance. 
  • Occasionally take fish oil. 
  • I have quite a few health supplements but I haven’t been taking these consistently.

As I previously stated, this is a fucking shitload of medication however it has improved my quality of life an enormous amount so far. 

Now I need to report to myself and hold myself accountable to other areas of my life, that is why I started this blog in the first place. 

My relationship has run its course, however I can’t seem to let go or to break up – purely out of fear and possibly some attachment. Its terrible but I need to work up to doing this as I find it extremely daunting.

My motivation is lacking, or I feel flat – Possibly need Abilify however I have endlessly tried to motivate myself to no avail.

With regard to the motivation I am far far behind on my university law work and I have assessments and presentations coming up that I have anxiety about and do not know what is happening. I cannot fail

My last point is possibly the amount I have been to the gym or eating healthy, I haven’t been to the gym properly in around one month, that is a long time for me and I feel fucking terrible, I haven’t been eating properly either and just feel so bloated at fat.

I really need to pull all my shit together, these mentioned areas of my life but also other extensive areas which I am working on as well.