Finally achieved my goal of waking up early (5-6am starts).
How ever this comes at a cost – I become tired much more easily and I also need to sleep earlier so I cannot get as much done at night.
I haven’t posted in a while but reading over previous posts this helps me keep track of my goals and whats important to me.
I’m slowly making progress in the building industry – it is a slow process for me so far, I need capital to start developing and building as opposed to say, maybe someone starting a tech business with just a laptop. I’m currently studying law and carpentry as well as completing a building course. Next week I start at TAFE so I will have a lot on my plate to work on, then uni will start as well after that so everything is quite busy right now.
I am having regular meetings with my psychiatrist and I can feel my confidence growing and myself becoming stronger every day and every week, bit by bit, brick by brick to build this strong wall inside of myself.
There are a few things I need to work on
- Handling my shit
- Making decisions because I want to (not to please others or being afraid of opinions and comments)
- check my financials and spending
start studying for exams
- thinking about ending my relationship
I can’t think of much to write at the moment as my head is full of thoughts – I haven’t written in a while but have made a habitica goal to do so. I need to start making money working as a general contractor – being an unpaid law student I have no money.
Handle everything and take no bullshit just like the F truck.
This is the first blog post in a while. I am starting to be more disciplined, organised, and make more progress. However there is one downside – I am on multiple medications at any given time to get through the day…I think ill have a wash out or break once uni is over, this is just difficult as the psych meds have changed my mood quite a bit (for the better) how ever this has made me stress free and relaxed so I need to adjust to this new way of thinking and my mindset is currently changing slowly.
Anyway I have begun working on my legal placement, my building business and getting my builders licence (however the forms and proof required is ridiculous). Further I am getting help with my law studies and am confident in my ability to pass. I am also still seeing the psychiatrist on a somewhat weekly basis.
Further I have been listening to podcasts that have greatly expanded my way of thinking. I am still trying to discover myself and what it means to be masculine and be a man.
I have been feeling extremely flat lately, almost apathetic, I am kind of lethargic and can fall asleep quite easily. 3 X 150mg of Lyrica is the same as 2x daily. So I’m sticking with that. I’m worried this might be post-steroid related however it could be due to the lyrica working. I feel a lot better about myself but the issue of feeling flat is there and my sex drive is close to 0.
I don’t think and I know I don’t want to continue living the type of life I sometimes fall back into, one of lacking enthusiasm and undisciplined laziness coupled with insecurity. I am also trying to figure out what masculinity means for me and my identity, I guess consistency would be a part of it for me and falling back into my old lifestyle doesn’t help support me with regard to that idea.
Continuing on the point of being ‘flat’ I haven’t properly gone to the gym in just over a month, that’s down from going nearly 4-5x weekly. I feel as though I don’t have the energy or the drive.
I want to feel as though I can achieve anything and become employed, also I know I have the ability to complete the 3000 word essay before this friday that is due, it’s just when would I start it and what would the quality of work be like?
I have previously been trying to skip sleep (well before I have been feeling ‘flat) to try to grind at whatever goals I have – but recently I was listening to the knowledge for men podcast and have realised a lot of the most successful business people, self-made individuals or entrepreneurs get a full night’s sleep (7-8hrs) not the ridiculous 4-5 that is often so reported in the self-improvement community.
A few further points I don’t want to expand on now as well are –
- I need to think more about my relationship, what i want out of it, and if i should potentially continue it and what the risks are for the future
- my finances and that they continually seem to go down, I think i need to cut my expenses and at least try to save for a while or cut out any luxuries – possibly write down a budget being specific down to the dollar
- I tell myself i want a full nights sleep but i also don’t want to sleep at night until i have everything completed
- I have responsibility of my life
- I am the creator of my life and I can make whatever decisions i choose to change what is happening
- I am the master of my own world and need to create a life I want to live
- I need to envision daily the type of person I want to be and the type of life i want to live and create
- I want drive – I want to be able to ‘get up and go’
- I want to be fit and healthy and I want to hustle and do as much as possible with as little as possible.
Imagine what my life would be like if I just took control of my decisions instead of being fearfull and lived life how I wanted.